A guide to gathering the people you care about, deepening your shared commitment, and raising money for the work that matters most.
Meeting this moment requires many things from all of us. Leadership. Courage. Time. Connection. Shared risk. And funding — directed to the people and work that need it most.
The single most effective way for you to help pull those resources together is to host an intentional dinner. This model comes from professional fundraising. It turns an awkward, forced pitch into a meaningful evening of connection and shared experience.
Intentional dinners deepen your connection to each other, strengthen your commitment to the work, and begin to gather the resources required to make it all happen. Funding is an outcome of the dinner, not the focus.
This website is a streamlined, step-by-step guide on how to pull one together. Your activism, your relationships, and a couple of friends willing to help — that's all it takes. If you have the opportunity to host an intentional dinner, seize it. It will be meaningful for the people involved, help build your community, and make a real difference for the people who benefit from the resources you raise.
Everyone should be gathering around one table. The idea is to have a single conversation that creates a bond between everyone in the room — not parallel conversations happening in clusters. Everything about the space should support that objective.
The person sitting at one end of the table should be able to hear, see, and pay attention to the stories being told from the other end. That means a quiet space with no background noise. If it's a restaurant, book a private room. If it's a home, turn the TV off. No music — ever. People hear at different levels and the stories being shared need everyone's full attention.
The space itself should match the community you're gathering. A kitchen table. A church hall. A back room at a restaurant. A backyard. Whatever fits the people and the place.
The focus of the evening is the conversation, not the food. You don't want interruptions for service, for dishes being cleared, for waiting on a course to finish. You want the food to arrive quickly and quietly so it moves seamlessly in the background. It shouldn't break the flow of conversation or the emotional connections being built around the table.
Family style works best. Everything on the table before people sit down, or arriving all at once the moment they do. No courses. No menus. No flagging servers.
Have dessert ready to bring out separately. You'll serve it after you make the ask to the table — it marks the shift from the formal conversation into the looser, more personal part of the evening.
At the start of the evening, you're going to ask the table a single question. Everyone answers, one at a time, for about two minutes each. This is the most important part of the dinner.
The question has a specific job. It asks each person to share something personal about why they care — not a take, not an opinion, but a real story from their life. As people answer, something happens: the first few stories stand on their own, but by the fourth or fifth, people start hearing echoes of what came before. They start to see what they share. Without anyone forcing it, the room moves from a collection of individuals to a group that recognizes itself as connected — people with a shared purpose and a reason to act together.
That shift is what makes the rest of the evening work. The conversation that follows is richer because people already feel bound to each other. The ask that comes later feels natural because the room has already discovered, on its own, that it cares about the same things.
A good opening question is grounded in lived experience, not theory. It should invite honesty, not performance. It should be something that everyone at the table — regardless of their background — can answer from the heart.
Choose one of these, or write your own using the same approach.
Works in any room. Gets to the core of why people showed up.
Works when the room shares a geography.
Grounds the room in a recent moment of mutual care.
The ideal number is 10. Anything fewer than 8 makes the evening feel less significant and reduces the chances people will meet someone new. Anything more than 12 risks making things take too long and the conversation in the room lose its shared connection and intimacy.
Build the table in thirds.
Your people. They know the work, they're already committed, and they're the ones helping you make sure the evening works.
Folks you know who want to do more but haven't started yet. They care, they're open — they just haven't had the opportunity or the invitation.
People new to you, new to the community, or new to the work. They're curious. This is your chance to grow participation.
Everyone sits around one table. In addition to the guests you're inviting, there are a few people in key roles helping you make the evening work.
A friend who plans the evening with you. You share the responsibility, help each other manage the anxiety, and encourage each other along the way. The dinner is more likely to happen — and go well — if you do it together.
Someone with profile or reputation in your community — an activist, teacher, journalist, faith leader, social worker. Someone who does the work every day. They help the room understand what's happening on the ground and they help decide where the money goes — making sure resources reach the organizations, activists, and families who need them most.
Answers the opening question first and sets the tone for the entire table. Everyone takes their cue from this person — if they go deep and personal, the room does too.
Answers the opening question last. Their job is to draw connections — call back to what others said, show the patterns, start building a sense of shared experience around the table.
Someone watching how this works so they can go run one themselves. Sits beside you. Creates more opportunities down the line.
Your guests — the people you invited using the thirds rule. They fill the remaining seats.
The invitation includes the opening question so people arrive ready to share. It also includes one or two articles, posts, or threads you've been reading — pieces that speak to why this dinner exists. Pick the ones that move you. Those are the right ones.
Hey [name],
I'm putting together a dinner with a couple of friends on [date] at [location]. About 10 people — folks who are already part of the work happening in our community and people we think should be.
Things are moving fast right now and the people on the ground holding it together need resources to keep going. We want to bring together a table of people who care about this place and figure out how to put real support behind the work — starting with this dinner.
[Name] from [organization or description] will be there and can speak to what's happening in our community.
To start the evening, we're going to go around the table and have each of us answer this question:
[Your chosen opening question]
Two minutes each. Come with something honest.
Here are a couple of things I've been reading that get at why this feels so urgent right now:
[Link]
[Link]
Dinner is at [time]. I'd be really grateful if you could join us. Just reply and let me know if you have any dietary needs.
[Your name]
One week before the dinner, have a short conversation with each of the people in key roles at the table. Help them understand how they can help make the evening a success.
Review the question with them. Let them know their job is to go first, and that everyone at the table is going to take their cue from them. Help them practice their answer. A great answer is deeply personal and reflective — it has a little vulnerability and uncertainty in it, but at its core is their personal story of why they're in this fight, why this moment matters to them. Their fear, their anger, their hope — whatever is real. Not their job. Not their accomplishments. Not a performance. Help them find the right emotional tone so the room opens up the way it needs to.
Review the question with them. Let them know they're answering last, and their job is bigger than just sharing their own story. They should listen carefully to everyone else and then, when it's their turn, draw the connections — here's what I'm hearing, here's what we share, here's why we're all in this room. They turn a round of individual stories into something collective. Help them understand this is the bridge into the rest of the evening.
They answer the opening question like everyone else. Let them know that their most important moment comes during the open conversation — when the room is talking about what's happening and they can speak from inside the work. Remind them they're there on behalf of the community, not just their own organization. They're also the person who will help decide where the money goes — making sure it reaches the people and work that need it most.
Let them know they're there to learn. They sit beside you, watch the mechanics, and ask questions afterward. They're hosting the next one.
About 2+ hours. Pull this up on your phone to keep you on track.
People arrive and mingle — standing around the living room, chatting in the kitchen, meeting each other as everyone shows up. This is casual. Wait for everyone to arrive before calling people to the table.
Once everyone is here, invite them to sit. Thank everyone for coming — be sure to express how much it means to you that they chose to be here tonight. Then talk about your personal connection to this moment — what's at stake, why you wanted to host this dinner, the themes in the articles you sent. Three minutes, no more. Then introduce the timing glass. Then ask the opening question and invite your first friend to go first.
Thank you all for being here tonight. I'm grateful that you chose to spend your evening with us. We all know what's happening right now — we've been feeling it in the news, in our neighborhoods, in the conversations we have with each other. The reason we wanted to bring this group together is to keep building on the work we're already part of — to strengthen what we're doing, to see what else we can do together, and to help bring more resources to the work.
In a moment I'm going to start us off with the question I included in the invitation. I would love for each of you to share a roughly two-minute, personal reflection in response.
But first! I'm going to be using this timing glass tonight to keep us on track. When you hear me clink it with my spoon, it's just a friendly nudge that it's been about two minutes — just so we can keep the conversation going and make sure we hear from everyone.
OK. Here's the question: [your question]
[Name], would you start us off?
This isn't an introduction round — it's a huge part of the evening. You want people telling real stories, not rushing through pleasantries. When you ask the question, channel the emotional energy you want the table to have. Your first friend answers, then you go around the table one at a time. Use the timing glass when people go long. Your last friend closes the round — drawing the threads together, showing what connects the stories into something shared.
After your last friend finishes, take a moment to acknowledge what just happened. You've just gone around the table and heard from everyone — there are themes, connections, shared feeling in the room. Name some of what you heard. Then start the discussion by asking the community leader to share some of what they're seeing right now — the challenges, the needs, the opportunities for the community. From there, let the conversation run.
That was powerful. You can hear it in the stories — we're all here for a reason. [Name a specific theme or connection you heard.] I want to keep that energy going. [Community leader name], can you talk a little about what you're seeing right now — what's happening on the ground and where support could make the biggest difference?
The table opens up. The community leader speaks from inside the work. When it's working, people are asking questions, building on each other, getting concrete about what's needed. If the conversation drifts into news commentary or big-picture speculation, pull it back: "What does that look like here, specifically?" If it stalls, ask the community leader: "What becomes possible if we get the resources together?" End the conversation while there's still energy — leave people wanting more.
When the conversation has reached a natural peak and the energy is high, bring it back to yourself. This is the ask.
This has been amazing. It means a lot to me that you were all willing to come. These kinds of conversations can be transformative for a community and they're deeply important in this larger moment. I'm really grateful.
One of the reasons we're gathered here is to figure out how to bring more resources to the work. I'd like each of you to consider making a financial commitment — in addition to your time, your energy, and everything else you're already bringing. The money will go to [community leader name], who will help us put it to work — getting it to the organizations, the activists, and the families who need it most.
I'm not going to ask anyone to say anything right now. We're going to let things break into dessert. This will end the formal conversation. Feel free to chat with each other, get up, move around — talk about whatever you want.
But as we're leaving this evening, or over the next couple of days, I'm going to reach out to each of you directly and see what's possible.
In terms of size — think about the kind of birthday gift you'd give someone you love, on a birthday you wanted them to never forget. Whatever that number is for you is the right amount to consider.
Bring out dessert. The table breaks into side conversations. People are sitting with the ask. Let the evening breathe. This is where the real processing happens — in pairs, in quiet conversations, in the spaces between. People linger, talk, move around. Some will come to you and tell you they're in. Some will say goodbye with a hug and follow up in a day or two. Thank every person individually as they leave.
Most of the money comes after the dinner, not during it. The evening opens the door.
Say goodbye one on one. Some people will tell you they're in and ask how to follow through. Some will say they need to think about it. Both are right. Thank every person individually for coming.
Email everyone who was at the table. Thank them. For people who committed, tell them how to follow through — where to send the money, who it goes to, what it supports. For people who didn't commit, the email is your second ask: "If you'd like to be part of this, here's how." Keep it simple. Give them a way to act immediately.
Follow up individually with anyone who said "I need to think about it." A short conversation, not a pitch — just checking in, answering questions, and giving them space to decide.
Sit down with your next host while the evening is still fresh. Help them start planning their own dinner — different community leader, their own guests, their own table.
Debrief with your co-host. What worked? What would you change? What surprised you? This makes the next dinner better — whether it's yours or someone else's.
Decide on your co-host — who's doing this with you
Choose the community leader and confirm they can come
Identify your next host
Pick your opening question
Build guest list using the thirds rule — aim for 10 people total
Book or prepare the space — quiet, one table, no music
Choose 1–2 articles, posts, or threads to include as pre-reads
Send the invitation email with the question, pre-reads, and community leader's name
Brief the friend who speaks first — review the question, help them practice, set the emotional tone
Brief the friend who speaks last — review the question, their job is to listen and draw threads
Brief the community leader — be honest and specific, speak from inside the work, represent the community not just their org, understand they help direct where money goes
Tell the next host they're there to learn — sit beside you, watch the mechanics, ask questions after
Plan the meal — family style, everything out at once, no courses
Plan dessert — ready to serve separately after you make the ask
Confirm final headcount
Sketch the seating chart using the table layout — assign all key seats
Practice your opening and the ask out loud, once, with your co-host
Decide on the follow-through mechanism — Venmo, a link, an address, a fund — whatever makes it easy for people to act
Set up one table — everyone facing each other
Place name cards or markers at the key seats
Food ready to go on the table when people sit, or arriving all at once
No music — double check
Have the timing glass and a spoon ready
Dessert staged out of sight
Phone charged — pull up the Step 08 timeline
Confirm you know the follow-through mechanism and can explain it clearly
Thank each person individually as they leave
Within 48 hours: send thank-you email with follow-through details and second ask
Within 48 hours: follow up individually with anyone who said they'd think about it
Within a week: sit down with the next host and help them start planning
Within a week: debrief with your co-host — what worked, what to change